Faith Without Hypocrisy: Why I Walked Away from Organized Religion

I grew up in rural Kentucky, the daughter of a Wesleyan pastor.

My life consisted of giant hair bows, frilly socks with dress shoes, and a lot of community service — from feeding the community I lived in to mission trips outside the U.S. borders. There's not much I haven't seen or done from a ministry perspective. Somewhere along the way, I began to regret my work "in the name of Jesus". The faith that once gave my life purpose began to feel like an aggressive movement I couldn't believe in." So why did I leave the church?

Why would someone raised in ministry walk away from the organization to which her life was dedicated?

I simply didn't have the chops.

It's an oversimplification of a much larger problem, but that is the answer I give myself when I question my decision.

John Wesley — whose revival movement defines Wesleyan theology — described Christianity as:

"A religion of love; of joy, and peace; lowliness, meekness, and gentleness."

What a wonderful thought, eh?

An organization on a mission to bring love, peace, and joy through lowliness, meekness, and gentleness.

However, the actual practice of being a Christian did not feel gentle.

There were expectations of behavior for everything I did. It was made very clear that not only was I "prideful" for having opinions, but my opposition to persecuting people who disagreed with church doctrine was "not in alignment" with its views.

Now, do I think those church members were terrible people?

Absolutely not. I left some of the loveliest people I have ever known behind when I left the church. In fact, I now attend a Wesleyan university, and I find value in studying the very theology I once struggled to live within. Faith is not my enemy; hypocrisy is. The question that has plagued me for almost twenty years is:

How do we fix this? What is the exact problem? Can this be fixed?

Anyone who knows me professionally knows I do not believe in impossible problems.

There is a solution for every issue; it just takes a group of people to decide they will be the solution.

Take the Rotary Club's response to the polio epidemic.

All it took was one organization that refused to accept a horrific problem as inevitable. Since 1988, their PolioPlus campaign has contributed to a 99.9% global reduction in polio outbreaks.

That's what conviction can do.

Conviction without empathy is deadly, as we can see in American politics. Today's headlines are plastered with calls for social extermination against everyone who disagrees with the MAGA cult's theology.

And what is that theology?

That non-whites, poor people, members of the LGBTQ community, non-Christians, women, and anyone who refuses to conform are destroying America.

And yet, according to Mark 10:42–45:

"You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them... Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant... For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

 

Not only are these hateful claims profoundly unchristian — they're driving away the very people who live in love, peace, and meekness.

Why would the peacemakers want to be associated with such a vile message?

I question whether the church can survive the damage the Republican Party has done to its image.

I have zero desire to be affiliated with people who spew hate and live their lives as white devils while misquoting scripture and defaming the name of their own God to justify their wicked and classless behavior.

From a historical standpoint, the numbers are staggering.

No institution in history has claimed more innocent lives than the Christian church.

Consider the record:

 

• The Crusades (1095–1291): 1–3 million deaths (Tyerman, 2006; Riley-Smith, 2002).

 

• The Thirty Years' War (1618–1648): 4.5–8 million deaths (Parker, 1997).

 

• The Inquisition & Witch Trials: tens of thousands executed in the name of purity (Levack, 2013; Kamen, 1998).

 

• Colonization of the Americas: papal decrees (1452–1493) sanctioned conquest and forced conversions that killed tens of millions of Indigenous people (Miller, 2006; Koch et al., 2019; Thornton, 1987).

 

• Boarding School Era (19th–20th centuries): Christian-run institutions stripped Native children of identity; thousands died (U.S. DOI, 2022; TRC Canada, 2015).

While historians debate exact numbers, the moral scale is unmistakable.

 

World War 2, unleashed by Nazi hate, claimed a death toll of 40–50 million, while the church — over centuries — has been connected to 60–100+ million deaths.

Where is Christian theology in that behavior?

I promise you this:

Jesus would never have picketed a Planned Parenthood.

He would not have destroyed the economy by pandering to billionaires and oligarchs.

Jesus would have fought for free childcare, education, and medical care.

That is how He lived His earthly life — advocating for the very people today's church persecutes.

 

I believe in what Wesley described, a faith of love, joy, peace, lowliness, meekness, and gentleness. But belief without action is nothing but hypocrisy. If you claim the name of Christ, live like Him. Feed all people. Heal all people. Protect all people. Stop using His name in vain for your own political and professional gain.

Exodus 20:7

"You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain."

 

References

Kamen, H. (1998). The Spanish Inquisition: A historical revision. Yale University Press.

Koch, A., Brierley, C., Maslin, M. A., & Lewis, S. L. (2019). Earth system impacts of the European arrival and Great Dying in the Americas after 1492. Quaternary Science Reviews, 207, 13–36. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.quascirev.2018.12.004

Levack, B. P. (2013). The witch-hunt in early modern Europe (4th ed.). Routledge.

Miller, R. J. (2006). Native America, discovered and conquered: Thomas Jefferson, Lewis & Clark, and manifest destiny. University of Nebraska Press.

Parker, G. (1997). The Thirty Years' War. Routledge.

Riley-Smith, J. (2002). Casualties and the number of knights on the First Crusade. Crusades, 1, 23–45.

Thornton, R. (1987). American Indian holocaust and survival: A population history since 1492. University of Oklahoma Press.

Tyerman, C. (2006). God's war: A new history of the Crusades. Belknap Press of Harvard University Press.

U.S. Department of the Interior. (2022). Federal Indian boarding school initiative investigative report. Washington, DC.

Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada. (2015). Honouring the truth, reconciling for the future: Summary of the final report of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada.